Trump’s Most Artful Deal Ever



We have learned that Donald J. Trump has made the following secret deals:

Donald J. Trump will buy the White House for $53 million and rename it The Trump House. The government will lease the property back from Trump for $5.3 million per year in perpetuity. The lease rate will be adjusted for inflation.

The position of First Lady will be determined by competition rather than by marriage. Donald J. Trump will personally conduct a world-wide search for the best candidate, who will be chosen based on beauty, poise, flexibility, endurance, and freedom from sexually transmitted diseases. Candidates must be a 10 on the Proprietary Trump Scale of Beauty and Compliance. To keep the entire one year non-renewable appointment the First Lady must maintain at least a 9 on the Trump Scale.

Note: This method of choosing the First Lady will continue after Trump’s rein ends. Inspection rights will be inherited by his offspring. In years where the President is a female then the First Lady must also be bisexual.

Bill Clinton will pay Donald J. Trump $53 million for the rights to put all candidates for First Lady through his own proprietary and confidential Ways and Means Test. In effect, in exchange for equal access to women, Bill Clinton is buying the White House for Donald Trump and Trump will receive $5.3 million in perpetuity.

Donald J. Trump will purchase “naming rights” to the office of the Presidency. In exchange for $569,000 per anum for eight years (renewable in four year increments thereafter). This means that he will be introduced as follows: “Please give a warm welcome to The Donald J. Trump President of the United States of America, Mr. Donald J. Trump.” If Hillary Clinton were to eventually become president, she would be introduced as “The Donald J. Trump President, Ms. Hillary Clinton.”

Clearly his best deal ever.


And it could get even sweeter.

After he sues us for leaking this story the settlement might even make him richer.

We’re standing by. Wish us luck.




In August of 2016 I will be presenting a show at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival called (Cut the Bullshit) Len Bakerloo Speaks Truth to Power in which I teach people how to stand up to bullshit. I did a preview in New York that was reviewed by Jacquelyn Claire in the NY Theatre Guide. Because she got some things wrong this is an opportunity to show you how its done.

I have no formal training in acting but I have a lot of experience having my work reviewed. Most of my training is in mathematics and computer science and we get used to having our proofs and code reviewed in excruciating detail that would drive the average playwright to despair. And yet you get to appreciate your critic and debugger because a single false premise in a proof or misplaced comma in code can have catastrophic consequences.

Between 1982 and 2014 I worked on Wall Street where I got used to dealing with bozos who could make a $100 million investment decisions based on prior agendas and first impressions without any research and very little thought. Now that I’m getting to meet some actors and playwrights just starting out it feels like some of them are having to deal with similar issues. A poor review can make someone feel like giving up even though many critics are bullshitters or bullies who shouldn’t be feared but stood up to instead. This is about how to do that. But first… Continue reading STAND UP TO CRITICS

Sherlock Holmes calls on his Irregulars to Hack the News


By Irene Adler

Hi. My name is Irene and I have known Sherlock for a very long time. When I heard that he was back in business and that he was calling his next endeavor The Case of the Worthless Newspapers I just had to sit down with him and find out what was going on.

Irene: You certainly have aged since we last met, but it is so good to find that you are still alive and back in the game.

Sherlock: It is true that I’m much older now and that is because for a few decades I stopped practicing the secret of eternal youth. But I’m glad you are continuing as I taught you and, as I’ve always said, you have the face of the most beautiful of women and the mind of the most resolute of men. How may I help you today?

Irene: You make me blush. I am interested in knowing why you have decided that all newspapers are worthless. You didn’t always feel that way; what has changed?

Sherlock: I’m calling this The Case of the Worthless Newspapers, not “All Newspapers are Worthless.” There is a big difference. This is about the worthless papers, not all papers.

Irene: Tricky. Your title is a bit misleading; is it intended to get people to read your book when they might not otherwise?

Sherlock: Of course. And that is precisely what many newspapers do; they use misleading or sensational headlines to get your attention when it might be in your best interest to be doing something else, like cooking a healthy meal or making love to someone.

Irene: Perhaps it doesn’t matter whether newspapers are worth anything or not; they seem to be going out of business because everything is going to the internet.

Sherlock: Actually, this case isn’t about newspapers per se but about the entire news media, or what passes for it anyway. There is a wonderful video you might watch that expresses my sentiments exactly. It is called The Craziness of the Daily News.

Irene: That’s a very funny and poignant video. But it is less than two minutes long. Why shouldn’t someone just watch the video and skip reading your book.

Sherlock: The video describes the problem. We are going to talk about the solutions. Watson and I will invite readers to join the Baker Street Irregulars and hack the news.

Irene: What does “hack the news” mean?

Sherlock: It means that the people should take back responsibility for the news and not let powerful people and institutions tell them what happened, what to feel, and what to think.

Irene: How does one do that?

Sherlock: Read the book. The first chapter, Calling All Irregulars, is out now and is available here. You can buy it for only 99 cents on Amazon here, or you can get a free copy for your kindle or other e-readers on

In the book Watson and I not only tell you what we have been up to over the last 30 years or so but we pose over 45 puzzles to help readers get up to speed as amateur detectives.

Irene: You don’t seem to care about making money on these books.

Sherlock: When have you ever known me to care about making money? This is about truth and justice. Watson and I are working on the next volume called A Shot Across the Bow. We will be launching it on 00:00 GMT January 1, 2016 with the slogan: “Make a New Year’s resolution to follow the truth instead of the money.” (EDITORS NOTE: The release of this book has been delayed and you can learn why in The Case of the Radically Open Secret Society.

Irene: How will people learn about it?

Sherlock: We plan on announcing it simultaneously on the websites of more than 100 of the top news outlets all over the world.

Irene: You must have a huge advertising budget?

Sherlock: Nope. We won’t be paying a cent.

Irene: How will you be doing it then?

Sherlock: Stay tuned.

So there you have it; another mystery from Sherlock Holmes himself. I guess we’ll just have to check after the new year to find out what he is talking about.


If there is nobody worth voting for then where can I go?

by Len BakerlooAsAThinkingLibertarianBlank

Things are divisive in the U. S. A. these days. People want to know your political affiliations so they can determine if they are with you or against you.

I don’t mind talking politics, but I don’t enjoy being forced to take sides when I’m still thinking about it, or being told that I can’t pick and choose from a smorgasbord of ideas rather than toe one party line or another.

If this keeps up, I might have to move.


I am a thinking libertarian liberal conservative.

If being a libertarian liberal conservative doesn’t make sense to you then blame unthinking Republicans, Democrats, and Libertarians for hijacking the meanings of words.

Nobody is thinking. They are just promoting Brands, and segmenting the Market Continue reading If there is nobody worth voting for then where can I go?

A Conversation with Len Bakerloo

TomAndZaira640Brooke Allen, sat down with Len Bakerloo to find out who he is and where he came from.

Brooke: So, Len, who are you?

Len: Given that I am a product of your imagination, perhaps we could start with you, Brooke. Who are you exactly?

Brooke: I was born in 1952 in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. My dad was born in Cuba of American parents. During WWII he was a paratrooper in the Pacific. My mother was born in West Virginia but was raised in Florence. She and her father got out of Italy on the last plane from Rome to Lisbon before the Fascists closed the airport. Her dad would die in the U. S. and never see her mother again.

After the war his only formal training was as an artist. However, he had a successful career arc that took him from fine art to commercial art to advertising to marketing to management consulting. My father told me two things that would change my life:

  • You can dedicate your life to a person or an ideal but not to a corporation because, although corporations may be people in the eyes of the law, they have no soul.
  • Business is mankind’s best hope for world peace.

Len: You’re going to have to speed this up. People don’t want to hear your whole life story, much less a family history. Give us the elevator pitch.

Brooke: You must be one of those modern-day so-called writers who think anything over 140 characters is long-form journalism.

Len: Boring.

Brooke: OK. I got my BA in Mathematics in 1974, worked as a programmer at a university, at American Airlines, and for a small business before going to Wall Street in 1982. I got my MBA in 1986 and from 1988 onward I built and ran quantitative trading desks for various firms. I also ran a hedge fund for six years.

Len: That is interesting. I edit the work of Dr. John Watson who is the sidekick to Mr Sherlock Holmes. Apparently, in 1982 they broke up. Sherlock Holmes went into finance and Dr. Watson began writing political speeches and screenplays.

Brooke: You do know that Sherlock Holmes is a fictional character, don’t you? Anyway, I did a fair bit of writing, particularly more recently when I was running a trading desk for the U. S. branch of a Canadian firm.

Len: I’m becoming a little suspicious. Sherlock told me he that when he worked on Wall Street he used to publish monographs under an assumed name. He wouldn’t reveal that name but he said that if I just took the pieces apart and rearranged them I was probably smart enough to figure it out.

Brooke: Boring.

Len: Sherlock told me that people believe that he, Dr. Watson, Professor Moriarty, Irene Adler, and that whole gang were the creation of Arthur Conan Doyle. But the fact is that Doyle was a fabrication, and the others were real.

Brooke: That sounds unlikely.

Len: Bear with me. Because Sherlock had discovered the secret of eternal youth people would become suspicious if they just kept living on and on. So they persuaded Doyle to be their “beard” and present himself as the author to publishers.

Brooke: Why would they do that?

Len: Because by becoming mythical creatures they could live on well after Doyle died. I think that is what you are trying to do with me.

Brooke: Huh? You’re not making any sense.

Len: You want Len Bakerloo to be the mythical version of you so that when you kick the bucket I can live on.

Brooke: You’ll be my “mythical-me” – That sounds way too Doctor Evil to me.

Len: Also, I think you are using me as a literary device so that you can talk about good and evil without people getting all I-know-you-are-but-what-am-I about it.

Brooke: This is getting too weird. I’m outta here.

Len: That’s fine. I’ve got it from here.